He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
