You can't special order awesome
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You're like the curious george of whores
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
