New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
