Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
