I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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