its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
