she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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