Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
