So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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