i was born a porn star she said
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
