Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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