The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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