yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
