She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
this just has baby written all over it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
