I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
