I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
