sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
