where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
