So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
