Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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