it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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