My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
