sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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