I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
