I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
