put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
