When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
