you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
