If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
