I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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