Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
