Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
