I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
