That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
