glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
