i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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