Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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