I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
