i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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