so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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