3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How does one acquire holy water?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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