Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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