Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
