She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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