Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
