As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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