He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
