why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
