tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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