I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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