My friends, they love my intelligence
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
