apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
